Mentally Malfunctioning Matt.
Tonight, as most Mondays, I was out grabbing a late dinner with my friends from Other Realms (the comic book store where I work part-time). After a lengthy debate over the "lesser of many evils" regarding where to eat, we settle on McCully Taco Bell.
Joining us for diner tonight is a very loud woman dead-set on the notion that pointing out in excruciating and condescending detail how her order is not exactly correct will somehow prevent the self-loathing employees from spitting in her food. Behind her in line is a group of three men and a woman who (to steal a line from Drew Carey) looks like something my nephew drew.
Actually, she was quite attractive as far as her face and overall figure went, but her makeup looked like it was made by Crayola and applied by an epileptic mime in a hurry and she had missiles for fake boobs. Here's where something happened that threw me for a loop.
While this lady's group was leaving, they passed outside of the window inside which my friends and I were sitting. I couldn't help but stare at her breasts...not because they were works of art, but because they looked like rubber toys that, if squeezed, would squeek. In fact, in my head I was reaching out to give them a honk.
Then I realized that's what I was ACTUALLY DOING.
Suddenly, I notice my friends are staring at me in shock as I find myself looking directly into this woman's eyes and miming a pretty serious boob-honk at her.
They start to laugh and she looks confused. Am I honking her boobs from beyond the Fiesta Platter window sticker? Am I making a joke with my slack-jawed friends? She doesn't have a ready answer for herself and I use my ninja-like control to keep a poker-face through the whole thing. I give no clear indication of my intentions and feel reasonably confident that I am prepared to either deal with her male friends who look slightly drunk and punchy or even her should she run back into the restaurant and viciously jock my nuts (it's been known to happen).
What threw me for a loop was that I found myself physically acting on something I was only jokingly daydreaming about. That kind of worries me considering it was the first time it's ever happened. Ask many of my friends and they can tell you stories of how I often find myself talking a bit louder than I should while making some pretty insulting comments and thinking that I couldn't possibly be heard. I never seem to fully realize I'm doing this until it's too late to take back what's been said, even though I was only really sounding off in my own head. Taking things from daydreams and words to daydreams and actions, however, could lead to more serious consequences.
I've been watching/reading the "Dexter" series of episodes and novels and it's funny to me that he has the same issues of separating daydream from day-to-day reality. Don't get me wrong, I can't compare my sexless, anti-social life to that of a serial killer with a conscience because A) I'm not that charismatic, and B) I have all the emotions that I pretend it would be easier to not have.
Really, this is nothing serious. However, I can't help but wonder if this is something I should keep under careful watch and control, or something I should just let happen. Hell, this could lead to some pretty amazing stories - good and bad!
I guess we'll see.....
One thing's for certain - no more Taco Bell late night.
That is all.
Haz-Matt